


Nightengale's Eyes

by NervousAsexual



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grief/Mourning, I'm terrible at writing Sera, Pining, Secret Admirer, but I love her and need her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-24 16:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14359473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: She told herself she'd play it cool. She told herself she wasn't going to get over-excited.And then Lace Harding met Seneschal Leliana.





	Nightengale's Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mytha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mytha/gifts).



Okay, it was true that she'd begun signing her diary entries with "Advance Scout Lace Harding of the Inquisition, the Hinterlands, Fereldan, I have met the Herald of Andraste." And except for the Herald, whom she'd met when her fellow dwarven rogue first arrived in the Hinterlands, she hadn't met many of the key players in the Inquisition.

But that was part of the reason she had to play it cool. So much had changed since she joined the Inquisition. Alliances had been forged. Many brave soldiers and civilians had died during the attack on Haven. The Herald had been named Inquisitor and (rumor had it) had developed strange new powers.

Be cool, she told herself sternly as she approached the main gate to Skyhold, and then she saw majesty of Skyhold and completely forgot what it was she was doing.

She'd known Skyhold would be big. The Herald couldn't very well run the entire Inquisition from a shack in the woods, and Skyhold was exactly the kind of fortress on a hill that Harding would want for her. But she hadn't quite realized just how many people would be there.

Lots of humans, of course, but elves too, and dwarves and was that a qunari coming down the stairs from the upper yard? It had to be. Who else would have big stabby horns like that?

For a moment she hung back against the fortress walls, scanning the place for familiar faces as the rest of her traveling party moved on. Almost without thinking about it she faded into the bricks in the wall and took in the market stalls set up in the courtyard, the horsemaster and his apprentices exercising their charges, the stern buzz that surrounded the makeshift hospital. Beside the hospital were stairs leading up to an entirely new level of courtyard. Beyond that were the towers and castle-y bits they'd seen on the horizon during the trip up. She could probably poke around this place for months and still not see all there was to see.

Her leave of absence was going to be way too short.

She gazed longingly over to the horses and then the towers and then up at the other courtyard where presumably the bar was located. Where was she even supposed to begin?

"What do," said a sprite in loud yellow-checkered pants, appearing very suddenly at her side.

Harding immediately grabbed the blade she kept conveniently in her boot and made a stabbing gesture that only halted because she recognized the beanpole before her.

"Ha!" Sera yelled, and clapped her hands. "Snuck up on the sneaker! Boosh!"

"Hello, Sera." She put the blade down. Although the stabbing instinct had not yet faded it would be a shame to stab somebody as talented and, yes, as cute as Sera.

"What're you doin' here?" Sera asked. "Thought you'd be out explorin' and shootin' and yellin' at idiot farm boys."

"I'm on leave." Her chest swelled up with unreasonable pride at this. Not only was she good enough for the Inquisition, she was good enough for the Inquisition to give her proper soldiery things like leaves of absences and a proper title and packages of clean socks from who knew where. "Taking a little break from the front lines. I thought I'd come back here and see what was going on with everybody."

"Hmm." Sera frowned and gazed off into the middle distance. "Not much going on, but... oi! You can help, right?"

Help... what? "I guess?"

"Perfect." Sera grabbed her by the arm and towed her across the grass to the stairs. "You help Varric with his whatever and while he's not lookin' I'm gonna yoink his book and show it to Madame de Blahblahblah. He thinks he's so sneaky and all and ugh!"

"I see," said Harding, who did not in fact see at all.

As they ventured higher into Skyhold she didn't see very much at all. She had time to catch some mages emerge, arguing, from a tower, a guy carrying a large easel and several demonstration daggers trip over his own feet and send stabby things everywhere, and then Sera pulled her into the big main tower of Skyhold.

"Beans," Sera said, which seemed to be a curse word. She stopped towing. "Where is he?"

For although the tower was filled with people of all shapes and sizes, Varric did not seem to be among them.

"That sneaky... sneakington." Sera kicked lightly at the leg of a table. "I'll show him, though."

But whatever it was she wanted to show him Harding didn't see. A side door to the tower opened and from inside came the Inquisitor and her Seeker, a super cute girl with a long dark nose and a mole to set it off, a terribly bland blond guy, and...

When Cadash came out she drew everybody's attention and Harding almost didn't notice the person who slipped out last. She caught sight of a flash of strawberry-colored hair behind the purple hood and a gentle gloved hand that closed the side door. Harding ran through her mental inventory of Inquisition folks, trying to think who this might be, but as she did so the person turned and she saw the most exquisite, mournful eyes sweep across the room.

Harding grabbed Sera's arm. "Who's that?"

"Who's who?" Sera looked around disinterestedly. "Oh, her? That's the spymaster. Lilly something? Lilyanne... Leliana, yeah, that's it."

"Leliana," Harding repeated. She watched the sad-eyed spymaster move silently, all but unnoticed, across the room.

Be cool, she told herself, but it was way too late for that.

* * *

Leliana, it turned out, lived in the highest room of the tallest tower, which was the most fairy tale thing Harding could even think of. She managed to hold herself together long enough to introduce herself up there one day.

"A pleasure to meet you," Leliana said, though she quickly looked away and moved to a cage with a raven inside. The raven squawked indignantly and tried to bite through the cage at her. Leliana sighed. "All right," she said. Her voice sounded so tired and Harding wanted to wrap her arms around her and let her have a rest as long as she needed and no, be cool, Harding, be cool... "All right, Sir Biffs."

Sir Biffs. The raven's name was Sir Biffs. Harding knew immediately that it was a name Leliana had given him. Her heart did one of those swelling things. She had never heard a better name for a raven.

"What's wrong with Sir Biffs?" she said. "If you don't mind me asking."

"He's upset with me." Leliana offered a sunflower seed through the bars of the cage and Sir Biffs smacked it out of her hand without even eating it. "I sent him through the Hinterlands and he's a snobby Orlesian bird. He won't even let me get the message off his leg."

"I could try to get it," Harding said, trying hard not to sound over-desperate. "If you want."

Leliana shook her head. "He'll get over it. And anyway the message isn't that important, just directions to a cache of schematics for better siege equipment. Besides, aren't you on leave?"

She remembered I was on leave, Harding thought, and tried not to let the excited squee-ing in her head escape into the real world.

After that she didn't get much of a chance to talk to the Seneschal. Ordinary head scouts might get leaves of absence but people like Leliana, really important people, didn't get so lucky. Not that it really mattered--surely Leliana was only being polite when she talked to Harding. She had much more important things to do than talk to some farm girl from Redcliffe.

All the same, Harding couldn't help but notice the sad look on Leliana's face never seemed to pass.

"Swear I've seen her somewhere," Sera said when they met up in the tavern one night. "Did a shooty thing or a sing-y thing... One of the two."

"Do you ever... I don't know... look in on her?"

"Nope." She didn't say it in any particular way, but when Harding put down her mug and looked at her face she saw the biggest smuggest grin she'd ever seen in her life.

"Don't you say," she said.

"What? Didn't say nuffin'." Her voice turned all sing-song. "Lacey's got a girlfriend..."

"Shut up." Harding had a quick look around to make sure Cadash and Cassandra--or, Maker forbid, Varric--weren't around. She gave Sera a slap on the arm.

"Still didn't say nuffin'. Only sung it." Sera returned to her own drink. "Anyway Her Lady Devoutpants isn't into love. She's got too many bees in her bonnet 'bout the Breach." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hmm. Bees in her bonnet..."

Whatever was coming next Harding decided to leave before it could happen. Sera might be a member of Cadash's inner circle, but Harding certainly didn't need the trouble.

* * *

The leave of absence should have gotten real boring real fast. Sera ended up taking a trip out to Dwarfson's Pass with Cole and Varric and Cadash for something called a "Rogue's Day Out," much to the chagrin of all the mage and warrior members of Cadash's circle but especially Cassandra. Nothing of very much excitement was happening around Skyhold, whatever the really adorable ambassador said. Harding had a cup of tea with Sister Giselle in the herb garden out back, and while that was pleasant she still couldn't stop herself from wondering when she would next see Leliana.

She did see her about, but mostly because of the excuses she kept making to go up to the Spymaster's tower. She told everybody who asked that she just enjoyed being around the ravens, and while the ravens were in fact good company it definitely didn't hurt that Leliana was usually up there, giving orders to her spies and directing the raven-handlers.

Still Leliana looked sad, and Harding wondered if it was just about the Divine who'd been killed, with whom Leliana seemed to have been close. Maybe she worried about her spies after all. Maybe she was upset about Sir Biffs, who was still guarding the cache directions with his life and biting anybody brave enough to approach him. Either way, Leliana's mournful look all but broke Harding's heart.

It happened one day, though, that an unfamiliar (to Harding, at least) raven appeared in the flock, a message tied to her ankle. Although she made a show of cleaning out one of the cages, Harding kept a close eye on Leliana as she untied the message and read it over. This turned out to be the best decision she ever could have made, because as Leliana's eyes raced down the message her face opened up like a blossoming flower into a smile more sunny and beautiful than Harding could ever have imagined. Immediately her heart skipped a beat.

Later that night, when the tower was mostly cleared out and Leliana had been called away to a meeting of advisors, Harding meandered her way over to where the letter still lay open on a crate. It appeared to come from wherever it was Leliana had lived before this and mentioned a nug called Schmooples II. Harding's heart swelled and she thought she would die right there. Leliana had a nug. The nug was named Schmooples II.

She decided then and there that she needed to see that smile on Leliana's face as often as she could before her leave was over, before she was needed back out on the front.

The first day she went straight down to the market and pored over Bonny Sims' stall for what amounted to hours while the poor merchant stood shifting from one foot to the other and trying to suppress a yawn from behind her mask. At long last, though, she finally uncovered a box marked "Reduced Price" containing dozens of little carved animals. She upturned the box on the ground before the stall, barely registering Bonny's complaints, and dug through the critters until at last she found a little wooden nug. Perfect.

"How much?" she asked Bonny, but the merchant, sweeping the rest of the carvings back into their box, told her to take the damnable object and go.

She waited until Leliana was called from her tower again and put the little nug on her writing desk. For good measure she had filched a pale blue ribbon from Sera's collection of... stuff... and tied it around the nug's neck. The effect was quite adorable, she thought, and retreated back to a far corner to watch.

When she first returned Leliana didn't notice the nug or the ribbon. She went to Sir Biffs' cage only to be snapped at and then let the raven that brought her message from home outside. Although there were still some rookery attendants around she stifled a yawn and stretched, unfurling like a ribbon and be still Harding's beating heart. She walked to the desk and shuffled an assortment of papers around and only then--Harding holding her breath from the corner--did she pause and turn to the little nug.

Her long slender fingers closed around it and a smile spread over her face. Not as wide or as strong as the one that had accompanied the letter from home, but it was everything Harding had hoped it would be.

Leliana closed the nug in her hand and held it against her chest for a moment, glancing around as if to find the person who'd left the poor little thing behind. Harding quickly looked down at the cage she was cleaning and put even more elbow grease into the scrubbing of it. She dared to peek up after a moment and caught Leliana lifting the little nug to her lips and giving it the littlest kiss and she thought she'd die happy right there. The only thing that could have made it better would have been if Leliana had been kissing her...

No, she told herself. You don't even know that she would be interested in you. She was a Chantry sister. You don't know that she would like anybody, let alone you.

* * *

The day after that she brought a sprig of Crystal Grace from the herb garden, and the day after that a fluffy little pastry with pink frosting and cherries on top from the kitchens. Each gift brought another smile to Leliana's face, and Harding would have been happy just to watch from afar and bask in her smile. But the end of leave was approaching fast. Soon she'd be off in the Hissing Wastes, and Leliana would still be here, watching the world through her sad eyes.

The fourth day she didn't have time to find a gift because Sera pounced on her as soon as she stepped out of the tower.

"Nobody died," she said, sounding slightly disappointed. "Well, one arsehole bear died. But nobody else."

"I'm glad you didn't die, at least," Harding told her, and gave her an awkward, one-armed hug. Solas passed them at that moment and they stood and stared him down as he passed.

"Too bad he didn't," Sera said. "Oh! Finally asked Her Gracious Ladybits about the shooty singy one. There's a whole story. Better ask Lady Herald about it."

"Oh." Suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the story. Was it better just to stay at a distance and imagine what Leliana might be like and where she might have come from? She knew that was silly, of course, that she was already head-over-heels in deep, but she couldn't help the worry. Wherever Leliana had come from, it was surely more exciting than a shepherd's hut in Redcliffe. Once she knew that for sure she would also know for sure that Leliana was far too important for the love and concern of a pitiful little scout.

"Hey," Sera said suddenly. "Love seeing you, yeah?"

And she punched her in the arm.

* * *

They found Cadash in the tavern, reclining on Cassandra's lap with a grin on her face that said she knew exactly how much she was annoying the Seeker.

"Harding!" she said cheerfully. "Join us. The Chargers bought the last round and it's the good stuff."

Sera pushed Hrading ahead of her.

"G'wan," she said to Cadash. "Tell 'er what you told me about the shooty singy one."

The smile melted right of Cadash's face and she turned to glance up at Cassandra. The Seeker glanced down at her and then they both looked at Harding, their faces full of concern.

"You didn't know?" Cadash asked. "About Leliana and the Hero of Fereldan?"

"The  _who_?"

"The hero of..."

"During the last blight," Cassandra explained, "there was a Grey Warden..."

"I know who the Hero of Fereldan was. I'm a surface dwarf from Redcliffe, there's no way I would forget about the dwarf who saved everyone. What about her?"

"Uh..." Cadash picked up her mug and inspected it thoroughly. "Well, it was like this. Leliana was a Chantry sister at the time, and she left the cloister to travel with the Hero. This was before she was a hero of course, not long after the king died. They did a lot of traveling together, and the two of them..."

"They were partners," Cassandra said diplomatically. "In all senses of the word."

 "Oh," Harding said. "OH."

 "And, you know, things ending like they did, Leliana moved around for a while, and..."

Harding found herself nodding. She stepped back.

"I'm going to... go," she said.

Cadash and Cassandra and Sera all looked at each other now.

"Go where?" Cadash asked.

"I dunno," Harding said, and fled the tavern.

She went up to the tower, if only because that was the place she'd spent the most time and the place that was likely to be mostly empty when lunchtime rolled around. And it was empty, unless you counted the ravens. Which, why would she? The ravens didn't care.

This was a lot to think about. Too much, maybe. She set up a pace from Leliana's writing desk to Sir Biffs' cage and back again.

Leliana was a war hero. Leliana had fought the archdemon. Leliana had known the Hero of Fereldan.

Leliana had loved the Hero of Fereldan.

That was it, then. She stopped and gazed at Sir Biffs through the bars of his cage. There was no way Harding could ever compare to Natia Brosca, the common dwarf who'd ended up saving all of Thedas. When the time came she would go to the Hissing Wastes without complaint. She could go on thinking Leliana was beautiful and wonderful and everything, but she wouldn't fool herself. She would know how things really were.

"At least I'll still be able to mess with you all," she said to Sir Biffs.

He gave her an unhappy caw. He was beginning to look rather scruffy and more than a little hungry. The message was still tied to his ankle, though it was beginning to slip a little.

"Poor kid," she said. She knew how it felt to be hungry and far from home. She didn't doubt he'd found the Hinterlands upsetting. "Come on, let me get that message from you and then I'll get you a bite to eat for lunch."

She opened up the cage door but when she reached for him he cawed an angry caw and snapped at her.

"Come on, don't do that. You've gotta let somebody help you here." She hummed at him the way she used to hum to calm the sheep. He stopped making angry noises at her but still lurked as far back as he could. So she thought of a song she'd heard Maryden the bard sing and even though her voice was much lower than Maryden's and she couldn't really sing that well, she sang anyway.

 _Nightingale's eyes—_  
_What secret lies_  
_In their worth?_  
  
_Raven's tears they cry,_  
_But all the while_  
_They softly lie and spy on you._  
  
_Nightingale's eyes—_  
_What will they find_  
_Left behind?_  
  
_Craven master spy,_  
_With heart remiss_  
_For those who could not find the truth._  
  
_We're blinded,_  
_So we're hiding_  
_Dying to be._  
  
_We're hiding_  
_From the fighting,_  
_Longing to see._  
  
_We're waiting_  
_For someone to speak_  
_And set us all free._

When she ran out of verses and couldn't think of any more Sir Biffs had come forward on his perch. He gave a half-hearted hissing noise when she picked him up but didn't bite her and didn't fight back.

"Aha," she said, ruffling his feathers a little and finding under his wing a tiny bur hooked into his skin. "That's easy enough to fix." She plucked the burr out and picked out the last few remaining spurs. "There. Isn't that better?"

"Much," said a voice behind her, a familiar melodic voice, and she turned to see Leliana watching quietly at a distance.

Not knowing what to say, Harding untied the message and offered it to her.

"Thank you." Leliana took the note and place it, unread, on her writing desk. "I should thank you for the nug, and the flowers and the pastry as well."

For a quick moment Harding wanted to deny it, but that was another way she'd been presumptuous. How had she ever thought she could fool the spymaster of the entire Inquisition?

"I'm sorry," she said at last.

"Sorry?" Leliana cocked her head to one side and it was so becoming on her that Harding had to mentally kick herself to get back on track. "Why sorry?"

"Brosca," she managed to get out. "I'm sorry about Brosca."

"Ah." Once again Leliana's eyes grew tired and sad. "Natia. My first failure of many."

Harding found herself at a loss for words.

"I knew the moment she died, you know. She refused to take me with her for the final fight. I expect she knew what was coming and she knew I would try to stop her if I were there. I was still fighting darkspawn but I could tell when she was gone. In that instant, I felt the Maker's presence grow cold. One moment a cherished child, the next... abandoned."

In her hands Sir Biffs gave a gentle caw, but Harding couldn't tear her eyes away from Leliana's.

"Of course that's a silly thing to say. The Maker sent Natia to stop the archdemon, not to light my way. We all have our burdens to bear."

"But she loved you." Harding couldn't recall forming the words but there they were. "And you loved her."

Leliana shrugged. "What use is love in war?"

"Is... is that what Brosca would have told you?"

A tiny ghost of a smile played across Leliana's face. "No, I suppose not." All the same, a single tear ran down Leliana's freckled nose.

She didn't give it any thought at all. Harding set Sir Biffs down on the nearest crate and went straight to Leliana and put her arms around her. Leliana flinched a little, or maybe it was a sob or a hiccup. It didn't matter. Harding wished with all her heart she could pull Leliana's grief into her so that Leliana could be happy, could smile again.

 

They stood there for a long time, not speaking. What good would words do? Some things just hurt. That was all.

All too soon they heard footsteps on the stairs. Everyone was returning from lunch. The moment was over, and they stepped apart.

"Thank you," Leliana said.

Harding looked up at her. "For what?"

"For everything," she said, and, so swiftly that a blink would have meant missing it, she pressed a kiss to Harding's forehead.


End file.
